Does this sound strange to you? Is it weird to consider your own children as equals? I have to admit...this feels a little strange for me. Old school parents will tell you right away that children are to be seen and not heard. They’re to respect adults and do as they’re told. Furthermore, many parents are advocates that the thoughts and opinions of children are secondary to adults.
But I wonder what would happen if moms like me began to challenge ourselves to see and hear our children with hearts that received them as full, whole human beings and not simply little people. What if their thoughts and opinions were not considered secondary and what if we all provided an open space for children to express their opinions and thoughts in ways that guided them to mature? What if their impulses and their undeveloped and sometimes misguided thought processes were considered and protected in a safe and nurturing environment; with graceful consideration from adults?
OK so this ISN’T exactly a new concept. BUT, it is a concept that I find is essential for moms like me. The idea of being gracefully considerate to the thoughts and expressions of our children means that moms like me often are challenged to live in a way that denies her own self, challenges her impatience and makes silent her own preconceived notions of who her children are and how they should behave.
If you were to look into my life, you would see that I don’t always implement this concept well. In fact, instead of graceful consideration, you’ll find yelling, frustration, lectures and at times, a rejection of my children’s need to self-express within healthy boundaries. You’ll find a mama who is tired, worn and just wants everyone to be quiet. You’ll see a mom who frankly doesn’t want to provide a safe place because providing that safe place for my children’s wildly creative thoughts and behaviors means that I have to humble my own self to make emotional room for them to flourish. And on SOME days I just don’t feel like it. On SOME days I just want to do me! In these muddled and sometimey moments, my desire to just do me means I take advantage of my position of authority and begin to demand behaviors and actions of my children as opposed to nourishing their hearts and minds in Christ. The result here is not only painful for them, but painful and full of grief for me as I realize that I have sinned against and wounded their precious and pliable hearts.
I just painted a pretty ugly picture, but in the vein of authenticity this is what mothering feels like sometimes. No mother is perfect and no mother should be expected to be. And while I love my children dearly, sometimes mothering feels like a cold decaffeinated coffee on a rainy, brisk winter day.
So how do moms like me deal with these moments? Do we focus on the need to change our children’s behavior? Do we read all the parenting books on how to stop yelling? Do we focus on love languages and grace? Do we adopt a seven day formula or figure out how to raise a deeply connected child? Sure all these things are helpful, but even after reading books and doing study groups that addressed the aforementioned, I still found my heart to be filled with grief when mothering seemed overwhelming and none of the step by step solutions from experts had a long lasting effect. So I sat down and began to identify the issues of my own heart that were triggered by the innocence and developmental stages of my children.
Moms like Me just don’t always get it. A Mom Like Me has to allow her own heart to be changed in order to fully embrace her children and their needs. This blog won’t stop you from yelling, it won’t stop you from being frustrated and it won’t change your children's behavior. This blog and my upcoming book will focus on simple concepts that are geared toward cultivating a heart of a mother that can aptly respond to the beautiful needs of her children. One of the concepts that has helped to begin cultivating this type of heart in me has been the biblical concept that God created my children as 100% my equal...from the beginning of creation, not simply when they reach adulthood. This concept will be addressed in Children as Equal Blog Part 2...and let's keep in mind that while children are equal in personhood they are not equal in authority and position. Once a mom like me grasps hold of this concept not only will she begin to cultivate the heart of a mother, she'll learn to contain and not abort the heart and purposes of her children.
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